


Who Knew?

by blackrider11



Series: Transcending Reality [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F, LaFerry - Freeform, Other, Sad LaPanda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-29
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-23 04:17:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2533877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrider11/pseuds/blackrider11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To start, the Dean being some kind of supernatural creature was beyond ridiculous. And, Susan was far too committed to this idea. She had this look in her eye that told you there was absolutely nothing you could do or say that will dissuade her from this delusion. So, if you have to indulge this, you were going to insist that they were well stocked with hot cocoa and cookies.</p><p>Then the explosion happened.</p><p>(And it only gets worse).</p><p>(Non-headcannon sequel to "Love Transcends Reality", also Carmilla and/or Laura will factor into this story to serve as a third point of view in later chapters. Also, feel free to leave comments, concerns about my mental health, and despair. I thrive on it.)<br/>(Author's writing rating: 2.5/5)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Someone told me I couldn't make them feel sadder about my first Camilla fic "Love Transcends Reality" where LaFontaine is a figment of Perry's imagination. Well... THEY WERE WRONG!

To start, the Dean being some kind of supernatural creature was beyond ridiculous. And, Susan was far too committed to this idea. She had this look in her eye that told you there was absolutely nothing you could do or say that will dissuade her from this delusion. So, if you have to indulge this, you were going to insist that their meeting was going to be well stocked with hot cocoa and cookies.

Which would explain why you were in the attic kitchen, yes it was totally normal to have the kitchen in the attic due to problems with the plumbing in the basement, by yourself without Susan. After digging through the more… questionable ingredients because you cannot fathom why someone would want to keep petrified eyeballs in the fridge. You had asked Susan if they were hers and she had fervently denied it. Then, predictably, asked to see them.

To say you were unprepared for the explosion is a complete understatement. But really should have been expected when Susan was involved. She’s fine, right? These things happen all the time. You might as well check on her. As you make your way down the stairs, you find yourself going faster and there’s a sinking feeling in your stomach that is growing with every step you take.

The third floor was worse than you could have imagined because everything that Susan has been saying is _true_. Only she’s nowhere in sight. The Dean is standing with in front of the newly blasted hole in the side of the third floor of the building. The Dean is holding Carmilla by the throat in one hand while easily fending off Danny with the other. Laura was, Laura was where?

“Perry,” Laura’s voice comes from behind you it is urgent. “Will has LaFontaine, I don’t know where he took her. I think he headed downstairs.” Laura looks a bit bruised and you should be fussing, but _Susan_ is _missing_.

“I’ll find Susan,” it’s not a promise, it’s a statement because hell or high water you _will_ find her. Laura gives you a small smile of relief before charging at the Dean. You don’t stick around to find out what happens next because Susan might be in trouble. Reaching out, you hate to do this but it’s something you’ve done whenever you’re worried about her, because this always allows you to locate her no matter the distance, it always leads you to her. Except this time something is trying to block you. Susan is attempting to block your connection and you. You will have _none_ of that. Breaking through the weak barrier you find that she is not far from you.

When you get within sight of her. You can see Will is standing over her body. Because Susan. Susan is _hurt_. Based on the position of her leg, it’s probably broken. As you get closer you can see there’s blood coming out of her nose. But it looks like she gave back as good as she got and there was a small spark of pride at how well Susan could hold up against a vampire. Will’s face is half burned off and his arm looked mangled, but he’s faster at healing and appears to be pissed.

You aren’t sure what you can do, or if you can do anything but Susan needs to get away. And although you’re tired from sprinting, you run because you _have_ to get to Susan. She needs you and you are not about to walk away now. And all you know is that right now, Will is going to hit her again.


	2. The Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LaF is real and they are going to die and all they can think about is Perry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that LaF likes to be called "they" and things like that and I shall try to stay within those specifications from now on, unless writing POV.

In hindsight, you probably shouldn’t have mocked Will. But he was going to hurt Laura and then he had talked about eviscerating Perry. You had gotten angry, and in retaliation you may or may not have created a flamethrower out of some modified bear spray and the lighter you always carry around, because you never know when you might need to set something on fire.

Will had given a very satisfying howl of agony and you managed to hit him twice with the baseball bat which cracks his humerus and radius bones. But then he takes you and hauls you roughly outside, smashing your head into the ground. Spots fill your vision as you attempt to reorient yourself. You’re bleeding, a lot. That doesn’t happen, bumps and bruises that heal in a couple of hours but bleeding. Does that mean? The mixture of happiness and hope you feel in interrupted, when you register the sharp pain before you hear the crack of your leg breaking. That’s when it hits you.

You are flesh and blood. You are capable of existing outside of Perry’s imagination limits. And you are going to die.

You’re backing away from Will as fast as you can. Part of your mind is calculating possible and dismal looking defense plans. But most of your mind can only think of Perry.

Perry, the one who brought you into being, the one whom you are trying to prove your existence to. The person you fought with, you love, the one who always knows what to do when you’re feeling lost. The one you want to spend the rest of your life with even if she’ll never believe you’re real. The one you want to say the words "I love you" and to hold her close. You'd have been content for just that much.

And you know it’s selfish, but you wish you could hear her one last time. Not in this situation but in one that’s safe and maybe far away from here. Even, if it’s to scold you for one of your experiments. Maybe over setting your room on fire again, or accidentally causing an explosion from particulates you found near the questionable Alchemy Department offices.

Will gives you a predatory smile as he steps forward and you close your eyes waiting for the end. You prey to whatever might be listening that Perry will not see this.

And to your horror you hear the words.

“Susan! No!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there, I have made it my mission to ruin the whole "Susan, no!" statment.


	3. Death of One Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s funny, in the this is not funny but purely ironic kind of way, but you always thought dying violently would hurt. It doesn’t. Instead it felt more like a quick pain than anything. You don’t even feel that different as you buckle to the ground unable to hold your weight. It doesn’t feel fatal.

It’s funny, in the this is not funny but purely ironic kind of way, but you always thought dying violently would hurt. It doesn’t. Instead it felt more like a quick pain than anything. You don’t even feel that different as you buckle to the ground unable to hold your weight. It doesn’t feel fatal. But it could be and you're only aware of that possibility because you can read Susan so well.

Her face reads a look of shock and horror. But her mind is working overtime, her eyes flit back and forth in the second before she catches you preventing you from hitting the hard ground. You know that look, she’s doing calculations, trying to find a way to help you.

“Perry,” her, their voice is breaking. That’s when you know you’re not going to make it. “I can’t fix this, I can’t… you can’t. I…”

You watch her cry, you can feel her tears land on your face, the vibrations of her body against yours. You want to comfort her and you find that you can’t speak, in fact to your vexation you can’t move the lower half of your body. So you do the only thing you can and bring your hand up to wipe away the tears.

She, they, give a small smile but it’s all wrong. It doesn’t light up their eyes, it doesn’t make their face glow with laughter. The smile is so far past broken and you know that even though Susan, LaFontaine won’t say it, they love you.

"Oh Perr, always taking care of me." They're trying to make light of this, to make you feel better.

And it pains you because they’ll never get over this. You’re connected far past creator and creation, further than friends, and almost lovers. It’s a woven band of all that and more that binds you together.

You know that when you die, you’ll take their life with you, and they have so much more to live for than just you. You can read it clear as the bond you share that the being made up of Susan and LaFontaine will not last a day without you. They’ll kill themselves and you don’t want that. You don’t ever want that. They need to live, even if they won’t remember.

You’re fading, you can feel it. Like some kind of unreliable broken clock that slowly falls behind until it stops. It’s a decision you don’t make lightly, one that Susan would never forgive you for.

But Susan won’t remember. And LaFontaine can live on.

You take your hand, they don’t know what you’re doing not yet, and put it over their heart. You concentrate and you watch as LaFontaine jerks. Their eyes are clear, and the shock in their face is falling away leaving only loss and horror.

“No, please.” They beg, but you ignore them and concentrate harder. They don’t pull away because they can’t. They don’t want to hurt you more by moving away. “Don’t, Perr please.” You don’t listen because you don’t want them to die with you. It takes the last of what you have to pull it from them and then you’re finished. You did what you set out to do.

You smile, it’s painful, as you watch the love of your life fall to the ground, unconscious beside you.

You never got to tell them that you loved them. They, them, in the end you finally got it right. That’s what you think as you finally close your eyes.

 

 

You don’t wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who haven't guessed, Perry just erased herself from LaFontaine. The consequences of that will be explored next chapter.


	4. After the War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It would appear that Death, really doesn’t like you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla's POV

Well, to say the least being dead was more anticlimactic the second time.

It would appear that Death, really doesn’t like you. If it wasn’t for the fact you’ve seen people stay dead, you’d be questioning sheer the possibility of it. But here you are…again. Dead, but not. You just can’t get a break can you. But really, a ghost, surely there could be any number of things you had the possibility of becoming and you get to be a ghost of all things.

And an incorporeal dead vampire one at that.

Seriously, what had you done to deserve this? Figures you would be trapped the one place you hate the most. At least when you were undead kind of living vampire and the year was over, you could leave this forsaken place and travel the world. Now you’re stuck on the campus for who knows how long.

Still, you suppose it could be better than being… well… dead. Or stuck in the dorm where Laura has locked herself up in. Or, you turn and look at LaFontaine’s room door, like that.

The least annoying one had been acting odd since the loud annoying one died. You’ve seen many humans grieve over the years. Old, young, stupid, smart. The anger, the denial, the love, the loss, all sorts of emotions but this, this was weird even by Silas standards.

Over the past few months you’ve had time to give it thought. Not that you had much else to do than float around watching the staff and students resume their pathetic lives. To some sort of normalcy, well normal for Silas at least. Except for Laura, and the scientist. Neither of them seemed to be coping or at least doing it correctly.

Laura, annoying lovable little idiot, was _still_ in your bed, and for the most part hadn’t even moved unless bodily functions forced her to do otherwise. And since that day she had nightmares almost every time she goes to sleep. You’ve heard her talk to out loud to you, waiting for an answer or just to relieve herself of guilt. It wasn’t her fault. You could have run anytime. You didn’t have to go out and try to save the other two idiots but you had. Just you weren’t in time, one was dying and the other one was in worse shape than anyone would be able to understand for quite a while.

* * *

 

_You distracted your sibling quite easily, but apparently you had underestimated his resourcefulness, he had come prepared, and you should have known he had friends in low places. He laughed and told you that if you killed him that you would die too. You had told him that you called his bluff. He was still laughing as he disintegrated in your hands._

_Then you looked over and saw a strange sight, strange as in it had never crossed your mind that either of the two gingers could be anything but freakishly human normal. It was over before you had time to process what was going on and you were tired and just wanted to check on Laura. But she’d want to know they were okay, and the Amazon was unlikely to take your word for what happened. So you hauled the two back where the Dean had been taken apart piece by piece._

_Laura, although hurt, was still tending to the wounds on the tall ginger despite the protests of the clearly more injured party, when you made it back. The two you were carrying weren’t heavy but they weren’t the easiest to keep hold of. A nod from the tall idi- Danny, you mentally corrected yourself because after today she deserved some respect, alerted the small one to your presence. Laura immediately got up to help you with carefully setting the two burdens down._

_“Carmilla, what happened?”_

_“LaFontaine seems to be in one piece, Perry-" You don't get to finish that sentence because Laura's eyes widened._

_“Carmilla? What’s happening?”_

_“What are you talk-“ That’s when you knew something was wrong. Something was off, and that your hand was see through. Laura reached out to grab you but you disintegrated just as her hand reached yours._

_“No!” Laura’s cry of anguish echoed through the hallway. “Carmilla, Carmilla.” She sunk down to her knees crying, digging through the ash as though you had to still be in there. The worst part is, that you were still there. You reached out to try to stop her, to comfort her, to get her to do anything else, but it was useless she couldn’t feel you, couldn’t hear you. And for the first time, since you were first locked in the coffin, you truly felt hopeless grief. You can only rest your intangible hand on her shoulder and tell her comforting words; it does nothing for her but a tiny part of you hopes that some part of it might get through. A hand overlaps yours, and it’s Danny._

_It’s not the first time in the past hour you’ve been thankful for her, but it’s the first time you’ve felt like it mattered. Danny, and you grudgingly have to allocate her some more respect. Doesn’t tell Laura it’s going to be alright, she doesn’t say that at least they won the war, she doesn’t try to sugarcoat anything, or try to find a bright side to this. Instead the tall one says nothing but she pulls Laura closer to her and lets her cry into the nook of her shoulder. You watch helplessly as Laura soaks the Amazon’s shirt filling it with salt water that will sting when they reach the still open wounds on Danny’s back. They sit there until Laura’s too tired to move, too tired to cry, too tired to do much of anything._

_You watch as Danny, although injured and limping, moves Laura carefully into your dorm room. She tries to lay Laura on her bed but Laura, who apparently fell asleep on the journey over, tosses and turns. The tall ginger turns back and redeposit Laura on your bed, there it ceases. Laura, clearly still asleep from what you can tell from her breathing, grabs the yellow pillow and cuddles it. There’s a look on Danny’s face as she looks at Laura and you feel this tugging in your chest, if you still had a heart you could have sworn that it was your heart breaking just a little bit. From the corner of the room you perceive Danny as she goes, and with what appear to be great effort, manages to get LaFontaine into Laura’s bed and lays Perry carefully on the floor._

_Laura’s calling out your name again, and Danny with more understanding than you think someone her age should have, lies down next to the one you both love and just is there for her in a way that you are incapable of._

_And you know Laura’s in good hands._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be longer than I thought.


	5. Empty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm stopping this here because if I DON'T it will turn into a LaF/Carmilla story which is so much more complicated than I want to write. And because I'm in the middle of writing a Noir story in the Carmilla fandom which is already far too complicated for my mind to handle.

Lafontaine wakes up in a room with a broken leg and dried blood on their face. Broken bones, their mind tells them, should hurt a lot. But Lafontaine feel nothing but a dull ache and wonders idly how they’re still alive if the blood on the bed is anything to go by. They sit up to examine it, someone set it expertly back into place and it’s bandaged very well. They survey the room, it’s room 307, and messy. Taking in a mental count and observation of the room’s contents, Lafontaine can identify the two subjects lying on the bed on the opposite side of the room.

Six feet, two inches, athletic build, red hair, Danny. Five feet, two inches, holding on to the larger one’s arm is Laura. There also appears to be someone on the ground, possibly dead, if the lack of breathing is any indication. But that is unimportant, not alive, not conducive to the current experiment that is waiting in their room.

Laura comes in later, crying. And they do not understand. Although they suspect it has something to do with this person Laura keeps calling “Perry” and they have no idea who she’s talking about. The problem is, they’ve never known this “Perry”, in fact they don’t know of anyone whose name is Perry. They’re pretty sure Laura just has some damage left over from the trauma of the war and losing Carmilla.

Even Danny claims that there’s something wrong with them, which makes no sense. So they went to student health services just so that Laura would stop distracting them from their experiments and they deemed LaFontaine “a bit low in blood pressure” but other than that they are perfectly healthy for their species. So, there’s nothing wrong right? And yet they can’t help but feel like there is.

They can't help but wonder why they feel like something is missing and why there is a constant ache in their heart.

* * *

 

_(Carmilla POV)_

Sometimes Laura is incredibly dense, it is one of her qualities that manages to be both infuriating and endearing at the same time. It’s exasperating because it’s been a month, two weeks since LaFontaine woke up, one week since the kidnapped girls had reappeared in perfect health, and she _still_ hadn’t figured out that LaFontaine was acting unusual. Their movements where they were so sure at comforting Laura, helping her, are staggered and half a second too slow. And are more cold and calculated than they should be for the scientist, and it’s off putting because some of it that reminds you disturbingly of your mother.

Danny has, not to say Carmilla was surprised. Danny was smart, stupidly brave and the oh so annoying knight in shining armor, but not stupid. It was easier to appreciate the girl once you could no longer compete for Laura’s affection. To say that you’re a bit relieved when Danny had told Laura to stop seeing LaFontaine would be an understatement. You were thankful that Laura listened, for once, and you had decided then, that you were going to keep tabs LaFontaine because Laura couldn’t.

The more you watched the more apparent it became that the scientist was not just off, LaFontaine was all wrong. It was unnerving, the lack of emotion could be seen in those eyes. Being observant and caring about someone are two different things.

You remember before when there was life, drive, curiosity, caring, they had had many of the admirable qualities of a human being. And without the ever-smothering Perry to be there, to be remembered, seemed to have left nothing but an empty shell where there once was a spark that made LaFontaine human will never be replaced.

And you don’t think it ever will come back.


End file.
